the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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