Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize