Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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