I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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