so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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