Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
FUCK WHALES
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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