lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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