your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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