yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize