I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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