They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
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Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
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DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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