That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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