do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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