I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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