I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
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We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
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I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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