my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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