sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize