a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
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i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
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How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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