You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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