now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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