My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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