I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize