a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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