We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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