I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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