I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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