after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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