i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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