whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
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we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
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If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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