toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
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It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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