Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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