Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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