The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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