i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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