highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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