i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize