hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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