Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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