Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
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Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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