is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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