he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize