Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize