I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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