You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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