so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize