Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
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my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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