I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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