I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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