Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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