if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize